


Some Scars Never Fade

by necromimetics



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Trauma, Depression, Hurt Magnus Bane, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2020-02-15 23:00:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18679060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/necromimetics/pseuds/necromimetics
Summary: Magnus deals with the anniversary of his mother’s death. Alec gives him a shoulder to lean on.





	Some Scars Never Fade

**Author's Note:**

> Part 3 of Even After All This is...not turning out the way I want it to so I wrote this. Barely even proofread but my brain wanted it out so here it is! Enjoy

Magnus woke up in an empty bed, spread out across Alec’s side, sunlight streaming through the windows. He groaned, rolling over and sinking deeper under the blankets, praying that he could just fall back asleep and not have to face the prospect of being alone all day with just his thoughts as company. Not today.

The apartment seemed dead silent. Had Alec left for the Institute without waking him? On days when Magnus slept in, his boyfriend would always gently wake him for a goodbye kiss and a reassurance about when he would return home. 

The dark feeling of abandonment started to curl in his stomach until the sound of light footsteps perked him up. Bringing his head up from the pillow, Magnus called out for his boyfriend.

“Alexander?”

Upon receiving no response, he forcibly dragged himself into a sitting position and gathered all of his strength to stand up and walk over to the door, opening it and peering outside. 

There was Alec, standing by the front door, about to pull on his jacket.

“Magnus! You’re awake.” 

Magnus forced a small smile onto his face when Alec walked over to him and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead.

“I’m sorry I didn’t wake you to say goodbye...you were up half the night last night, I figured you needed the sleep,” Alec brushed a thumb over the dark circle under one of Magnus’s eyes, frowning. “Is something wrong?” 

As a form of distraction, Magnus leaned in for a proper kiss. On one hand, he didn’t want to burden Alec with his problems, or pull him away from work. On the other hand...being alone right now would not be ideal for him, and Catarina was out of town right now. 

Alec pulled away from the kiss far too soon for Magnus’s liking, his deep brown eyes full of concern. Magnus looked away quickly, trying unsuccessfully to choke back the words.

“Alexander I...I really hate to ask you this.”

When Magnus didn’t continue, Alec prompted him. 

“Ask me what?”

After a beat of silence, Magnus continued.

“Would you mind...staying home from work today. With me.” His voice quieted to a whisper. “Please.” 

Alec’s brow furrowed, examining Magnus closely. The warlock still didn’t meet his shadowhunter’s eyes.

“Are you sick?” Alec finally asked, resting the back of his hand against Magnus’s forehead. “Are you alright?”

Magnus reached up to grab the wrist of the hand rested on his forehead and pull it away gently, intertwining the fingers with his own. 

“I’m not...sick. It’s just...today is a very...difficult day for me and I...I really don’t want to be alone. I’m afraid I may...do something rash.” 

To his credit, Alec didn’t ask for an explanation then and there, he just squeezed Magnus’s hand and gave him a smile. 

“Of course. Go lay down, okay? I’ll text Izzy and Jace to make sure they can take care of the Institute today and I’ll be right there.” 

Before Alec could turn away, Magnus pulled him into a hug and muttered a quiet “Thank you” against his shoulder. 

“Of course,” Alec replied, holding Magnus tight against his chest. “Anything you need, I’m here.” 

Regretfully, Magnus broke away and wandered slowly back into the bedroom, crawling under the sheets and blankets completely and drawing them around him. After what felt like an eternity, in which Magnus’s thoughts were far too loud, he heard the sound of someone entering the room. Something was set down on the table, and then the bed creaked as Alec sat down on the edge, resting his hand on the pile of blankets that contained Magnus. 

“I brought you some tea, if you want it.”

Magnus slowly rolled over onto his back and sat up, resting heavily against the headboard of the bed and drawing his knees up to his chest. When Alec passed him the steaming cup he wrapped both hands around it, breathing in deeply.

“Thank you.”

“Of course. If you need anything just ask. And I mean that, okay?”

Magnus simply nodded and continued to sip the tea, letting the warmth and the comforting presence of Alec soothe him.

By the time he had almost finished the tea, Alec had pulled himself fully onto the bed and was sat beside him, so close his shoulder was pressed against Magnus’s reassuringly. He was alternating between texting Izzy and Jace about Institute business and lavishing affection on Magnus, leaning down to press kisses against his cheek and head and jawline and muttering declarations of love against his neck.

It was when Magnus had entirely finished the mug that he found the strength to speak.

“My mother died today.”

Immediately, Alec froze. 

“Well, actually it was a few centuries ago. More than I would like to admit. But it’s today.” 

Magnus’s knuckles were white, gripping the empty mug so tightly Alec was afraid it might shatter. The shadowhunter gently rested his hands over Magnus’s, rubbing lightly across the tan skin with his thumbs, until Magnus relaxed enough to let Alec pluck the cup from his hands and set it on the table beside the bed. 

As soon as the mug was gone from his grip, Magnus’s arms fell to wrap tightly around his knees, burying his face in them.

“It still hurts so much,” he confessed. “Centuries and centuries...I thought it would go away, eventually. But it never does. Not completely.” 

Magnus could tell Alec is unsure about what to do, unsure if Magnus wanted to be held or given space, if Alec should talk or just listen. Honestly, he wasn’t sure he knew himself. So Magnus just continued. 

“Normally I just...drink myself into oblivion. But this year...since I have you...I...” Magnus trailed off, trying hard not to regret his decision. He’d kept Alec from work, he was burdening him, and feeling renewed pain every time his mind dredged up the horrific memory of that day wasn’t even remotely preferable to a drunken stupor.

His spiraling thoughts were stopped by Alec gently resting a hand on his back.

“Thank you for coming to me.”

It seemed like Magnus was trying to curl in on himself even more, make himself so small he would disappear. 

“I’m sorry you have to see this. I’m sorry I dragged you away from work just so I could lay in bed all day and burden you with my problems.”

Alec moved his hand from Magnus’s back to rest against his neck, gently rubbing a thumb against the other man’s jaw. 

“Magnus, look at me,” he pleaded. 

The warlock complied, turning teary eyes towards Alec, and Alec gently cupped his face with one hand. 

“Listen to me. And I mean really, listen to me.” 

Alec took a deep breath, looking into Magnus’s eyes and feeling a spear of pain shoot through his chest when he saw the hurt and regret reflected in them.

“Magnus Bane, you are my priority. Not the Institute. Not my job. You. If you ever need me for anything, no matter how small, I’ll be there. I won’t let you go through this alone.” 

Magnus gave a valiant effort at a smile, bringing one of his own hands to rest over Alec’s. 

Alec leaned down for a quick kiss before pulling away and standing up, stretching a hand out to Magnus. 

“C’mon, I know something that will make you feel better.” 

The idea of getting out of bed again seemed like a monumental task, but the earnest smile on Alec’s face gave Magnus enough energy to take his hand and allow himself to be pulled to his feet by the shadowhunter. 

“Just into the other room, alright?” Alec reassured him before he could protest that he wasn’t feeling well enough to go anywhere.

Magnus let himself be led into the main room, where he sunk down onto the couch. Alec continued over to the gramophone and put on one of Magnus’s favorite slower records. 

The shadowhunter headed back over to the couch and extended his hand to Magnus.

“Dance with me?” 

Magnus gave a wry, half-smile. 

“I’m not sure I’m up to it.”

“Nothing fancy, promise. Just to take your mind off things.” 

Magnus took the outstretched hand and Alec immediately pulled him close, resting one hand on the warlock’s hip and using the other to take one of Magnus’s, interlacing their fingers. Magnus leaned against Alec heavily.

It wasn’t really dancing per se, at least Magnus wouldn’t call it that, more just swaying back and forth, but the gentle music in the background and the comforting presence of Alec did relieve some of the tension from Magnus’s shoulders and clear his mind of some of the darker impulses. 

“It still feels like my fault,” Magnus muttered quietly. He didn’t know how long they’d been dancing, but memories of that night were starting to demand his attention again. Alec gripped his hand tighter. “She died because she didn’t want to raise a monster. A demon.” 

Alec stilled, and the room fell deathly quiet. Magnus refused to meet the shadowhunter’s eyes, not wanting to see pain or pity.

“Magnus, you’re not a monster. You’re not a demon. I would know, I kinda kill them for a living. But you...you’re kind and generous. You’re...brilliant.”

Magnus looked up into Alec’s eyes and tears almost started pooling then and there because _Alec looked at him like he hung the stars in the sky_.

“Our blood doesn’t make us who we are,” Alec continued seriously. “It’s the choices we make. I’ve met shadowhunters as cruel and despicable as they come, angel blood be damned, those were demons. And you...you may have demon blood...but,” Alec’s voice became softer, almost nervous. “I think you’re more of an angel.” 

A smile tugged at one corner of Magnus’s lips and he choked out a half-laugh before throwing himself at the shadowhunter and wrapping his arms around his love’s neck. 

“Alexander you are...unbelievable.” 

“In a good way?” Alec questioned, already knowing the answer, wrapping his arms around Magnus’s back and letting the warlock bury himself in his arms. 

“The best way.” 

Magnus leaned in closer. He could feel the darkness encroaching on all sides, but Alec was bright, shining like a star. He let the warmth wash over him and suddenly everything seemed like it might be okay. At least for a little while.

**Author's Note:**

> Send me writing prompts/chat with me on tumblr @cursedlightwood


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